The Problem with Allergies
by Sweet A.K
Summary: Its often been said that allergies suck, and SG-1 finds out why.


Hello all! Just thought I post this short little one-shot I came up with not too long ago. I've been addicted to Stargate for a while now and thought up this little ditty while I was trying to write another SG-1 multi-chapter story.

Disclaimer: (see bottom... of the DOCUMENT! Pervy.)

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The team of SG-1 stepped out of the wormhole onto the previously unexplored planet of P3X-982. The planet was lush with vegetation that was so vivid it was as if someone was holding up a giant crystal to the sun and letting the light refract onto the planet in an almost dizzying array of colors. Major Samantha Carter grinned as she and Ann walked over to a giant turquoise hibiscus that, when the air around it was inhaled, smelled of a lilac in the summer's breeze. Delicate and soft, but strong enough to overpower the Colonel's aftershave.

"Dr. Jones is going to think she's died an gone to botanist heaven." Captain Ann Quinn commented as she looked around at the planet in awe. Sam nodded as they moved on deeper into the forest. The air was crisp, almost like biting into a ripe apple right off the tree. They listened to the sounds of the jungle that went on around them, the chirping of strange alien birds that must have been amazingly colorful to be able to mask themselves against the backdrop of the forest so completely as to be unseen by the human eye.

Still in awe, the team moved forward with precision, caution, and stealth...

"ACHOO!"

... well, with caution and precision anyway.

"Bless you." Sam smiled over at the archaeologist in sympathy.

"Dank yoo." Dr. Daniel Jackson replied as he blew his nose into a hanky in a strange imitation of a goose's mating call. O'Neil, with two L's, looked over at Dr. Jackson and rolled his eyes behind his inky black shades, causing Ann to wonder, not for the first time, if he could really see out of them or if he was blind and just used sonar like a bat, or worse... Chupacabra!

"I'm not a damn bat, Quinn." Jack grumbled. Ann mumbled under her breath and Jack stopped next to her. "If I was Chupacabra, I'd have eaten Danny by now." They looked simultaneously over at the good doctor as he preformed his goose matting call again. He stopped and looked over at them.

"Whad?" He asked, confused.

"Careful, Danny. You might attract a mate." Jack warned.

"You mean, _another_ one." Ann grinned.

"And this one might not be humanoid." Jack agreed. Daniel made a rude gesture and brushed passed them.

The team continued their silent...

"ACHOO!"

... ALMOST silent trek though the dense, almost claustrophobic rain forest.

Finally, they came to a small clearing and their breath caught in their throats. They had stumbled across a lagoon that was almost too beautiful to be seen by human eyes. The very thought of looking at it seemed a sin in its self. The pool was so inviting as it fell from a waterfall so high it seemed to reach the heavens, and so deep one could fancy if they could swim down it would come out through the other end of the planet. Strange single pronged deer-like creatures frolicked along the banks and caught rainbow striped fish that sang a surprisingly happy song even as their bones were crunched and flesh was ripped off by the carnivorous deer. It was a wonder no intergalactic travelers had made a home out of this paradise.

"I'd say we could mark this as a potential Alpha site." Colonel Jack O'Neill, with two L's, said. He was met with three vigorous nods and a surprisingly awed, "Indeed," from Teal'c.

"Snort."

"For crying out loud, Daniel!" Jack cried out loud. "Haven't you ever heard of an antihistamine?!"

"Uh, Jack." Daniel gulped.

"Don't. Tell. Me. That wasn't you."

"Uh, ndo."

...

"D'oh." Jack winced as the five turned slowly around and came face to face with a very large almost reptile like creature, the like they had never encountered before... but yet, it still seemed oddly familiar. It was a strange sense of deja'vu as they studied the beast that could only be, as Teal's so aptly described...

"A Rancor?"

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"Incoming wormhole!" Walter announced.

"Who is it?" General Hammond questioned. Walter waited as an IDC came through.

"It's SG-1, sir."

"They aren't due back for another four hours." He looked perplexed at his semi-psychic Sergeant who just shrugged. "Open the iris." Hammond ordered as he made his way down to the gate room. Three soft "slooshing" sounds greeted him as he entered the room and he was met with the grinning faces of Major Carter, Teal'c, and Captain Quinn. Right away he noticed that even though they were missing two of their team members, the two women were having a terrible time at trying to keep their gales of laughter at bay.

"Major Carter, what happened?" Hammond asked as one eyebrow slowly started to rise.

"Well, sir. We ran into a... well... it was Rancor, sir."

"A... Rancor. As in Star Wars?" His eyebrow nearly disappeared into his hair... if he had, had any that is, it would have disappeared into it.

"Indeed." Teal'c's usual calm demeanor was visible rattled by his strange amusement.

"What happened? Where's Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson?" Hammond asked again.

"Well, sir." Ann began. "We learned two very interesting things today. One, Jack and Daniel _really_ need to work on their reflexes. And two..."

Just then the remaining two team members came through the gate with a "sloosh." Hammond's other eyebrow shot up to join its missing partner as if they were long lost lovers who hadn't seen each other in years and w-... ehm...

...

I digress.

Jack and Daniel were covered from head to toe in a sticky, nasty, yellowish-green substance that slowly slimed itself down their bodies and pooled on the ramp. Daniel lifted his covered hand and spread his fingers. The substance gave the space between the digits a look of webbing. He grimaced and flicked his arm, splattering more of the mucus like substance across Jack's face. The Colonel glared at the Doctor and spat a huge, nasty, giant blob of the substance from his mouth looking every bit the part of a giant lugie from hell.

"... and two," Ann's grin threatened to split her face in half. "Rancors are allergic to Aqua-Velva men."

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Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or Star Wars. I do however own P3X-982 and Captain Ann Quinn... and the mucus... ick.

I'm sorry for writing this... blame it on SG-1 and KOTOR. (Hides head in shame.)

R&R please!

Amanda


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